Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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