i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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