I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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