I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize