I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
