apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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