we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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