Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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