I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
