Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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