I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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