My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
