I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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