i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
