I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize