youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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