sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
