I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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