And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
