Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
