imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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