im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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