I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
