apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
