I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
