I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
