she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
