he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
