she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
