I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
