I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
