my mouth tastes like poor choices
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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