Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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