Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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