I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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