You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I will pee on everything he values.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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