i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
how does that bad decision feel?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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