Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
