Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
