If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
