What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
