My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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