I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
