Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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