Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
