I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
