If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
