There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
