i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Panties = found
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
