I cannot find my penis.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
