I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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