Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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