I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
