Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
