I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
