my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
whose parrot is this?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
