And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
