True but thats because hes a fetus.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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