Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
