Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
