so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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