I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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