So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
