This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
