oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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