then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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