Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
