You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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