How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
