Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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