i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
