i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize