Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
